If You Can Marry, Should You? From the Nolo.com Marriage & Living Together Center. If same-sex marriage is ever legalized, you and your partner will need to decide whether marriage is right for you. Here are some things to think about before you pop the question. If you have children or hope to raise a family, marriage is probably the right option. Married couples by law have equal rights to raise their children, as well as equal obligations of support. In a divorce, both parents can seek visitation and custody, and if one parent dies the other one steps right in as the primary legal parent. It is nearly impossible to make these sorts of arrangements absent a legal marriage. Marriage isn't a prerequisite for owning property together, but if you get married, in most situations in most states your property will be jointly owned regardless of who pays for it. This is the reverse of the presumption that applies to unmarried couples. Getting married may be the most efficient way of establishing a property merger -- though if keeping things separate is more to your taste, you will have to sign a prenuptial agreement to avoid the joint ownership presumptions of a legal marriage. In most states, each married spouse's earnings are owned by the two of you, and if the marriage breaks up -- regardless of who's at fault -- you each generally get half of everything you've accumulated. By contrast, if you are unmarried, your property is co-owned only if you have an agreement to that effect; likewise for debts and obligations. Divorcing couples are also entitled to demand alimony if the marriage doesn't last, without the need for any explicit contract providing for post-separation support. Every marriage requires a formal ceremony, and every marital separation requires some kind of formal court action, and quite often the help of a lawyer. Unmarried couples can break up informally, on their own terms. Absent a legal marriage, a couple needs to sign several agreements to create even a partial framework of protection in the event of death, and certain tax benefits are forever denied to unmarried couples. If you are married, however, the surviving spouse generally inherits all the property if the partner dies without a will. At death, a bequest from one spouse to another is tax free, regardless of its size. Transfers of property upon dissolution of the relationship are also tax free for legally married couples, but not for unmarrieds. Marriage can bestow a bevy of important benefits, including military or Social Security benefits, health care, and nursing home coverage. Marriage may also qualify you for unpaid leave from your job under the Family Leave Act. But watch out -- a married person's income could disqualify a spouse from receiving Social Security, welfare, or medical benefits she'd receive if she was unmarried. A legal marriage is the only reliable method of providing a foreign lover with the privileges of immigration to this country, when he doesn't qualify under work or other provisions of the Immigration Act. If you are ever allowed to make this difficult decision, first decide whether you fall into one of the got-to-marry or better-not-marry situations. Raising kids, courting a foreign lover, or facing a serious illness, for example, generally favors a marriage (unless it disqualifies you for Medicaid), whereas getting saddled with your partner's debts or losing Social Security benefits probably favors a no vote. If you don't fall into either extreme, take a close look at the marital property rules for your particular state, evaluate the benefits given your personal situation, and get a good sense of what being married would do for you financially. Then consider whether being married feels right for both of you emotionally. If the answers come back positive for both of you, then proceed, but consider creating a prenuptial agreement if any aspect of the traditional marriage structure doesn't meet your needs. If the impact of marriage feels unduly negative for one or both of you, however, hold off. The push for legalizing same-sex marriage isn't likely to make marriage mandatory. Click here for related information and products from Nolo.com. Copyright 2000 Nolo.com, Inc. |
| Here's how to tie your knots. MASSACHUSETTS When did gay marriage go into effect? May 17, 2004 Residency requirement? No. On July, 31, 2008, Gov. Deval Patrick signed a law stating same-sex couples can marry in Massachusetts even if they have no intent to reside in the state. Other requirements: Couples must be over the age of 18 unless otherwise approved by a judge. Apply for a license -- called a Notice of Intention of Marriage -- at a city or town hall. After three days, couples must go back to the city/town hall to pick up the license and marry within 60 days after filling out the application. A witness is not required. The official who marries the couple then sends the appropriately signed license back to the clerk and the marriage is registered with the state. (Couples who can't wait those looooong three days can apply for a waiver.) Sad fact: Hillary and Julie Goodridge, the lead plaintiffs among the seven couples who were part of the lawsuit that led to the change in state law, filed for divorce in February, 2009. Happier outcome: According to a University of California study, gay and lesbian weddings have boosted the Massachusetts economy by about $111 million. (Guess California voters don't pay attention to University of California studies.) CONNECTICUT When did gay marriage go into effect? On Oct. 10, 2008, Connecticut became the third state after Massachusetts and California where gay couples could wed. So really the second state. Residency requirement? No, but you must get married in the city/town where you obtain the marriage license. Other requirements: Pretty much the same as Massachusetts. A couple fills out an application and files for a license (in the town where either partner lives or the town where they wish to get married); they receive the license and must solemnize the marriage within 65 days of filling out the application; the official who performs the marriage puts the proper information on the license and sends it back to the clerk of the town where the ceremony occurred; then the clerk registers the marriage and the couple receives a certificate. No witness is required by the state of Connecticut. The case that made the difference: The decision to legalize gay marriage was the result of a case involving eight gay couples who were tired of being denied marriage licenses and who had all been in relationships between 10-30 years, many having successfully raised children. IOWA When did gay marriage go into effect? On April 27, 2009. Residency requirement? None. Other requirements: People under 18 need parental consent to marry. As in Massachusetts, there is a mandatory three-day waiting period between filing for a license and receiving the license. (C'mon, don't grouse: It'll give you the illicit thrill of having three more days of pre-marital sex.) You're given six months before you have to have the ceremony, so you've got plenty of time to plan a family trip to Iowa. A witness is required at the ceremony, which is probably a good thing -- proof that we aren't all hallucinating and same-sex marriages really do exist in the Prairie State. Cogent quote: "...just a few years ago if people were asked if we could get a judge in Iowa to strike down the exclusion from marriage, right there in the heartland, I think most people would have said we couldn't." --Freedom to Marry's Evan Wolfson, after the 2007 district court decision in favor of gay marriage, which was upheld on appeal to the Iowa Supreme Court in 2009. VERMONT When will gay marriage go into effect? Sept. 1, 2009 Residency requirement? None. Other requirements: Couples can apply for their license with any town clerk in the state. A license is $45 and valid for 60 days with no mandatory waiting period. No witness is necessary. Under no circumstance can a person under the age of 16 marry, which seems like a good thing to us. If you are between the ages of 16-18, you must get a signature from a legal guardian or parent. What about civil unions? In 2000, Vermont, under then-Governor Howard Dean, was the first state to legalize civil unions between same-sex couples. Existing civil unions in Vermont will be recognized, and couples in civil unions will have the option of entering a marriage, but no new civil unions will be permitted in Vermont after Sept. 1, 2009. MAINE When will gay marriage law go into effect? Sept. 15, 2009 Residency requirement? None. Other requirements: Couples must declare their "intentions of marriage," a document that has to be signed in front of an official authorized to take oaths. That notice, which must include the couples' social security numbers that remain confidential, has to be filed with a county clerk and be available for public inspection. That will cost you $30 cash. Maine's law specifically allows religious institutions to refuse to conduct same-sex marriage ceremonies if they wish. Cogent quote: Gov. John E. Baldacci, upon signing into law LD 1020, An Act to End Discrimination in Civil Marriage and Affirm Religious Freedom: "In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions," Governor Baldacci said. "I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage. This new law does not force any religion to recognize a marriage that falls outside of its beliefs... Instead, it reaffirms the separation of Church and State. It guarantees that Maine citizens will be treated equally under Maine's civil marriage laws, and that is the responsibility of government." NEW HAMPSHIRE When will gay marriage law go into effect? Jan. 1, 2010 Residency requirement: None. Other requirements? If you are under 25 you might need to verify your age with a copy of your birth certificate. If you are under 18, you must get parental consent AND a judicial waiver. Boys must be at least 14 years old and girls must be at least 13 years old. (!) When you apply for your license, you must provide a photo ID and your SSN to the city clerk's office. There is no waiting period before licensed couples can get married; licenses are valid for 90 days and will cost at least $45. Non-resident clergy need a license from the Secretary of State. The fine print: "Today, we are standing up for the liberties of same-sex couples," said Democratic Governor John Lynch on signing gay marriage into law. But he did so only after insisting that the legislature add language protecting the right of clergy and religious institutions to decline to marry same-sex couples. Washington D.C. 2010 Gay Marriage in Canada Same sex couples from America can marry in Canada. You need a license, an authorized person to perform the ceremony and TWO witnesses. The license and ceremony processes differ depending on the region and whether or not the ceremony is civil or religious. If you are already married you must get divorced before entering another marriage in Canada. If you marry in Canada, your marriage will be recognized by Massachusetts, Iowa, Connecticut and New York. Other states vary and so does the respect you will receive from the government. Getting married in Canada does NOT allow you to sponsor your spouse for U.S. citizenship. Other countries where same-sex marriage is legal Belgium, Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain and Sweden allow same-sex couples to marry, but most have requirements that make the process difficult for non-citizens |
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Same-sex couples do not receive federal rights and responsibilities anywhere in the United States. To learn more about state by state legislation, visit:State Laws |
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